


Ask Android Landers, Advice for the Lovelorn

by sidebyside_archivist



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Epistolary, Humor, M/M, Pon Farr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-10-01
Updated: 2005-10-01
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:36:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25498468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sidebyside_archivist/pseuds/sidebyside_archivist
Summary: Got some inspiration after you asked for more. Mildly Humorous.
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Spock
Comments: 1
Kudos: 18
Collections: Side By Side Issue 17





	Ask Android Landers, Advice for the Lovelorn

**Author's Note:**

> Note from LadyKardasi and Sahviere, the archivists: this story was originally archived at [Side by Side](https://fanlore.org/wiki/Side_by_Side_\(Star_Trek:_TOS_zine\)) and was moved to the AO3 as part of the Open Doors project in 2020. We tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are the creator and would like to claim this work, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Side by Side’s collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sidebyside/profile).

  
Dear Ms. Landers,  
  
I write to you with a dilemma, one I am at a loss to solve. Some time ago, I became aware of...feelings...for my employer. There are some problems with this. One is that I am a Vulcan. My employer is Human. As a Vulcan, you're aware that I must control emotions and emotional attachments. Another is that, while liaisons among employees are not against regulations, they are not encouraged between junior and senior staff. Both of these obstacles could be overcome if discretion is maintained.  
  
However, there is a third. I do not know if my employer returns these feelings, and I am loathe to potentially permanently disrupt what has been, hitherto, an efficient and mutually satisfying working and personal relationship. Not being accustomed to emotions, I am turning to you in hopes you can tell me whether there is a way to broach this subject without destroyingswhat we now have, if, in fact, these feelings are not mutual?  
  
Please sign me,  
  
"Silent Scientist".

Dear Silent,  
  
If your boss hasn't shown you any indication by now, chances are they aren't there, or they're being kept under wraps to preserve decorum. If your job is important to you, I'd advise you to not push it. It's not a good idea to mix work and romance. Unless, of course, you're near the end of that cycle you Vulcans hate to talk about. In that case, there's nothing to lose. Mate or die, right? Plan a romantic dinner, with wine--humans like alcohol, since it lowers their inhibitions--and just ask. Let me know how it goes. I care.  
  
Android Landers.

Dear Android Landers,  
  
I'm writing to ask your advice. There's this really good looking Vulcan who works for me. We met some years ago when he was assigned to my department. We seemed to hit it right off---we work really well together, and that's important, because in our line of work we have to have each others' backs. I trust him implicitly. Furthermore, we play chess together regularly and have developed a friendship. He often seems to know what I'm thinking. But I've come to realize I want more. That's different for me. I've never had any romantic interest in another man, if you know what I mean. I've never had any trouble getting dates, but I've never really wanted to settle down--until now.  
  
But I can't tell whether he's interested or not. I don't want to ruin what we have now. How do I break through that Vulcan reserve to find out without totally freaking him out if he's not interested? I don't want to pressure him. I could go on without anything more, if that's all he wants. But I don't really know. Any advice?  
  
Sign me,  
  
"Farm Boy in Love"

Dear Farm Boy,  
  
I don't think I need to tell you how dangerous to morale romances can be in the workplace. I suggest you take some cold showers, and keep it to yourself. That is, unless you find out your Vulcan friend and employee is near the Pon Farr cycle. Look it up. But be discreet.  
  
If he is, all bets are off. It's do or die. In that case, just ask. But be prepared with plenty of lube. And do your asking in private. Vulcans don't like to talk about sex. Believe it or not, it embarrasses the whole species.  
  
Let me know how it goes. I care.  
  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Android Landers.

Dear Android Landers,  
  
I'm just an old country doctor, but I think I'm out of my depth here. I work for some mighty fine folks. Let me just say they've been known as the finest--and the boss and his second have been casting cow eyes at each other for months. It's bad for morale. Neither of 'em will talk to the other about it, and I'm at my wits end. Let me tell you, without giving anything away, sometimes it's life or death and we all have to be able to work together. But one of these guys is a Vulcan, and you know how they are. The other won't say anything either, and so far they're still efficient, but God alone knows how long that will last. Pardon my language. Anyway, if you have any advice on how to bring these two together, I'd like to hear it. Neither of 'em will listen to me.  
  
Sign me,  
  
"Country Doctor"

Dear Doc,  
  
I'm enclosing under separate cover a formula guaranteed to bring on Pon Farr in Vulcan males, but without the attendant health risk of the real thing. I suggest you set both of them up with dinner and wine, and spike the Vulcan's food--chances are he won't drink the wine. Then let nature take its course. Don't worry--though you forgot to encode your address, your secret is safe with me. Let me know how it goes.  
  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Android Landers.


End file.
